From Russia with Spite

Today, I told a Russian colleague, "I don't care about that any longer, I have adopted the Russian heart." Some other culture might be offended, not these Dostoevskians - "spite drives the man", Divine Spite - EVERYONE grows up in Russian, no matter where you are. Everyone is tragically disappointed, having to spend their whole absurd lives getting a good overcoat - that's all it amounts to - the purpose of life? - subversion: while wasting your life on what "they" want you to do, read a good book, and get drunk. You routinely stick "of course" in front of every negative. Of course I have a flat tire, God is shitting on me and laughing. Of course they didn't hire me, I am gloomy. It's the middle of winter and the boiler is broken; "Of course it is. I understand. Look, I expect naw-thing. Do what you will, I will keep going. Freeze me! I will paint, type, compose, complain, my way into your living room. I will gnaw my way into your heart. I have the heart of a dog. I can survive anything!
I love the freedom it gives me, the anger it replaces. Once you get used to being angry, it comes, the Russian heart.
When I told him I had adopted the Russian heart, he smiled that Russian ironic smile: "You see now?........Now you know." It is a beautifully evil smile.